To Hide or To Let Go?

             

                Do you have a secret?

                A secret that you have kept from the longest time.

                Well, I do. Everyone does.

                I have a deep, dark secret that I have kept ever since I was a kid.

                I haven’t told anyone just yet because of Fear.

                Fear has taken a toll of me.

             I’m afraid if someone knew about my secret, they’ll laugh at me, prank on me and won’t even be friends with me.

                That’s the effect of fear.

                But now, I have learned that my past does not define my future.

                And so, I’ll reveal my secret.

Secret Revealed

               I am going to tell you about my deepest and darkest secret that has kept bottling inside of me for the longest time.

                 Hold on to your seats. Get ready to be shocked by what I am going to tell you.

                 Ready?

                 Here it goes.

                 When I was about 9 years old, I was molested.

                 Yep. You heard that right. I was molested.

              I was molested by my playmates. Every time I finished my homework, I would go to my male playmate’s house to play computer games because I love computer games. Then we’d play the game under the bed. Afterwards, my playmate would touch my private part. He thought I was gay since I was a bit gentle and thought I acted ladylike.

               And then did the unthinkable. I was a kid back then and I don’t know what’s wrong and right at that time. I got a bit carried away and even did it several times after that incident.

                 I never told my parents about it. I was scared.

                So for the longest time, from elementary to college, I haven’t told anyone. Not a single one about it.

             When I was working for a couple of jobs, I haven’t told someone about it also. Until I thought that a community can help me let go of it.

Help from a Community

               When my workmate from Accenture introduced me to a Christian community, I got excited. Finally, my darkest secret will be lifted off me when I will be part of the community. The thought of being in a community will help me let go of it. That was my thought. But the truth is, it wasn’t helping that much.

                The community have molded me to a better person.

                Yes. That’s true.

                Have I opened up my secret to someone in the community? Nope.

             In other words, it was helping me to become a better person through their activities, training, sharing and other stuff. But the thing is it wasn't able to help me just yet to open up my secret to any one of them.

               In time, I just observed them so that I can know to whom I can share it when I am ready to talk to that person. In 3 years time of being in that community, I wasn’t able to share it to someone. To anyone.

               But the good thing is, I got to open up on other things and got a bit talkative. Still, searching for someone to talk to, my friend in the community invited me to attend the Feast once more.

                Oh! I forgot about that. They have talks that can be applied to my daily stuff.

               I was attending the Feast back then when I was still serving in the community. Then I got preoccupied with so many to-dos in the community that I forgot about the Feast.

                And so I came back attending the Feast.

                Guess what? I never thought that I can share my secret in the Feast.

  A listening ear

              Attending the Feast for a long time now, helped me boost my confidence level of meeting new friends through the Hugs (not really a hugger though, back then), the talk series and even serving in some ministries.

                One thing that caught my attention is the Love Someone Today thingy.

                Got curious about it, I joined one.

                As my LST or Love Someone Today progressed, I eventually told someone my deepest and darkest secret.

                He just listened. Listened to the very last drop of detail I can possibly share about it.

              And what amazes me is that he understood me. He never judged me even my secret he never questioned about it that much.

                He just asked me one question.

                He said, “Have you told someone else about it?”

                And I said, “I haven’t told anyone just yet because of fear.”

                From that point on, I have realized something.

                The past does not define YOUR future.

Letting go of the past

From that point on, I said to myself,
”You know what? That secret doesn’t matter to me anymore. It’s long overdue and  I have to let go."
By that, I was also inspired by Bro Bo’s confession of his molestation.
Yeah, got molested, too.
But in a different case.

Revealing my secret is like a thorn cut off my stem.

I felt so peaceful. No more heavy loads riding in my back.

So what’s happened to my secret?

It’s not a secret anymore because the truth will set y
So going back to the question, To hide or to let go?

                I much prefer letting go coz its healthier and you will be free.

           So friends, let go. As Frozen soundtrack had sung: ”Let it go, Let it go. Can hold it back anymore....”

                Learn to let go and you’ll be amazed with the results!